The Lens of object relations

I am conceptualizing the case of Dolores through the lens of object relations. This theory states that “humans are primarily motivated by the need for connection and to form relationships” and that “early family relationships affect personality development and subsequent relationships outside of the family.”Cite these quotes.

Where did you read this information?? Let’s consider Dolores’s relationships and background.

Dolores is a Latina woman who experienced abuse and neglect by her family of origin. Dolores has features of the marianismo complex, which includes the narrative of suffering, endurance, and shame. Her parents treated her brothers very different than her. Dolores was expected to perform a specific gender role within the family and in the world as a Latina daughter. She was expected to wait on her brothers and not talk back when she was abused or mistreated.

She was sexually abused by one of her brothers and she had difficulties expressing that to her mother who wouldn’t believe her. When Dolores would fight back or stand up for herself, her mother would tell her that she was a “bad daughter.”

As a young woman, Dolores didoes not have agency and the ability to make her own decisions. For example, her parents paid for her college education but did not let Dolores choose her school of choice. Dolores was expected to study, work, and wait on all the men in her family, including her father and brothers.

In present day, she is replicating her family relationships at work and in her personal life. She perceives all men at work like her brothers and father, and she sees all women like mother. Dolores keeps projecting her family of origin onto everyone around her, including the therapist.

Dolores describes herself and feels like an abused and neglected girl who is undervalued, unprotected, and at the mercy of others. Yet, she is very successful educated woman in white male dominated field and she does a lot of advocacy for Latino causes. There is a discrepancy of how she perceives herself and the way others perceive her.

Through object relations theory, we can understand the internalization of her mother’s words of calling her a “bad daughter” when speaking up about the abuse that she was enduring in the home by her brothers. As a girl, Dolores was very alienated and was expected to do different things than her brothers; she had no one talk to about this because her mother condoned all this maltreatment.

This is exacerbated by the marianismo complex. Even as an adult, her family continued to treat her as a child, but she was also very proud of her family. She is very identified with them, and they are their main emotional connection in the world.

Her childhood experience with her family is now affecting her present life. Her current boyfriend relationship is replicating her relationship to both of her parents. In addition, Dolores is over-working and over-committed as a defense mechanism. This is a way for Dolores to avoid the reality of relationships.

She may be avoiding her loneliness and building intimate relationships with potential lovers. Say more here. How has her family of origin influenced her choices about love objects?

I’m going to help Dolores have insight – how she sees herself and how her relationships have affected her. I’m going to create a strong bond with her. An emotionally corrective experience. I would help her heal her current relationships through my relationship as a therapist with her.

I would gently challenge the narrative that she has about herself as an abused and neglected Latina woman. I will help Dolores see how successful of a woman she is and that she is no longer being abused or neglected by anyone around her. Is this where you would create a holding environment?

As a Latina, Dolores may assume that I see the world exactly as she does. Dolores may project certain roles onto me because my gender expression is masculine, and she may even have sexual fantasies and/or erotic transference with me. If Dolores were to read about me online and know that I have experienced similar abuse like her, she may overly identify with me. This is a great point, here. What about projective identification for you, Patty?

Because I witnessed years of domestic violence, I grew up afraid of my parents’ tumultuous violence. My mother wouldn’t leave a violent relationship. I felt very protective of my mom and at the same time angry because I would feel like she chose to live that way.

This is an example of countertransference that I will be monitoring with Dolores. I feel like I would want to tell Dolores that she needs to quit looking for relationships where she will be treated like her family treated her. I would be upset knowing that she lets her family mistreat her even as an adult. I would want to tell Dolores that she needs to set up boundaries with her family.

Patty,

I appreciate your exploration of yourself and your own countertransference as it pertains to Dolores. I think it’s really useful to compare our various positions in the world with that of the patient. This paper wasn’t quite 3 pages, which was the requirement. I’m going to give you a Marginal Pass on this paper, so we should find some time to work together this week and discuss some core concepts on Object Relations that you missed, so you can prep for your next paper.

I’m here for guidance, and I want you to pass and understand the concepts. Let’s talk this week. I’m also happy to help you prep for the final paper.

Best,

Christina